I want a script for life.

Two posts in two days have made me realize that I feel the need to write when things are stressful for me, while when things are good, as during the summer months, I have no driving force to do so.

Today has me wondering if I will survive these two years that my youngest will be in junior high. He is lucky to have good teachers, but I worry that the lack of individual attention and his learning style and needs will make things difficult. I was hoping that things would click this year and I wouldn't have to worry, nor put so much effort into making sure he gets what he needs and make sure school work is not just done but also understood, however that has not been shown true.

Already in the first four days of school I have seen confusion in what is expected of him in almost every subject. As in today's homework he did not understand what he was required to do. I was proud of him that he asked his teacher after school to clarify it, however the teacher still did not give him an adequate response. When I read the requirements I was able to explain it to him and he completed the assignment. Although, I had to argue and cajole to get him to listen and got even more conflict when working on his math.

I worry pushing too hard will lead him to feeling bad about himself regarding learning, such as I did as a child, but also that not pushing enough will have him unable to achieve the goals he wishes too. Plus, I am already tired from the worry, and fluctuate between giving up and allowing him to succeed or fail on his own, or taking over and checking on each assignment to make sure it is understood and correctly done.

I am so angry that I do not know what to do for him.