What I Have Learned in the Last Twenty Years

Twenty years ago on October 3rd I was getting acquainted with my first child, Kellan. It had been a difficult birth. I thought I would easily conquer the pains of labor and deliver him naturally. Hours into it, I was ready for any pain relief possible and asked the doctor to just hit me over the head, unfortunately the baby picked that moment to go into distress and medication, of any kind, was out of the question. When his heart rate started to decline, after five hours of pushing, they decided to use suction to help him along. Of course that along with the screw monitor in the top of his head where the two things my Lamaze instructor warned us to absolutely not have. When he came out with a head that looked more like a Hershey kiss, I just knew he was maimed for life.

That night after the room filled with In-N-Out eating relatives departed, I sat suckling my new son and as I gazed upon him I wondered what he would be like. Would the trauma of birth handicap him, or would it have more to do with the fact that he had me as a mother do the most damage.

From that moment on we became inseparable, I had found the reason for being on this planet, that of motherhood. As he grew I became his champion, his confidant, and his friend, as well as his mother.

Today, that son turned twenty, and things have been much different in the past few months. He has made friends that fill the spot that I have held for so long, confidant, mentor and friend. He has grown independent and wants to make his own decisions. He calls me less, and is more interested in telling his opinions, then in listening to mine.

However, as I sit contemplating these changes I realize that holding that child on the day of his birth 20 years ago, I could on dream of the person he would become, today I am blessed with the man that far exceeds anything my imagination could of created. For being his own person was on the top of my list even twenty years ago.

I am SO proud of him.