I find it interesting how our viewpoint can change in an instant into a totally different direction, yet we realize instantly that the change is the right one and suddenly it all makes sense. Well that is what happened to me last night.
My hubby is gone for six weeks of training, but still he cannot escape my daily deliverance of whining, pouting, along with a few good things that I throw in there so that he doesn't become tired of my negativity. Last night, I was on my usual subject of not feeling that Keaton is learning in the way that works for him. I ranted about how his teacher told him to rewrite his paper because if he didn't he was going to get an "F", but didn't tell him what to fix, so he basically changed the information around and rewrote it for the third time. When I emailed her about letting me help him at home with it, she responded that was great because she has no time to help children 1:1 in the classroom........(My teacher brain exploded). I raved to him that last year I never helped Keaton with anything because his teacher taught it so that he could understand it and then I wondered is it the teacher this year,or the curriculum. I went on and on and as usual my fears of what is going to happen in high school and beyond, burst forth.
Luckily my hubby knows me by now and he lets me rant and rave and then calmly he stated some basic facts. First of all, I don't want to be so caught up in this that I can't be effective for Keaton. Second, that Keaton will be alright, he is smart; he may not be a great student but neither was hubby and he turned out o.k. (I agree to that, more then o.k.) He may not be book smart, but he is amazing at so many things and that his weaknesses make his strengths even stronger. That Keaton will get through school in large part because I am here and have the time to help him reach his goals.
Then it hit me..... I have been agonizing for along time on what to do with my recently acquired education. I can't get a full time job because I need to be there for Keaton, plus the job market does not warrant it........ when all along that job has been here and I have been doing it, I just have not looked upon it as such. My job is to get Keaton through the next seven years of school so that he can go on to college if he so chooses. I have to stop whining about whether I made the right choices of teachers, or if he is getting what he needs at school, or feeling bad that we work a lot at home when he would rather be doing something else, or that it is I he gets mad at when things are frustrating or hard (although don't watch me on these because I probably will still whine), it is my job and I have to figure out how to do it in balance. The reason I went to school in my forties and acquired a BA, teaching credential, and Masters (along with a huge debt that I worry about paying off) is so I could teach Keaton what he does not get at school and to make sure he has the skills he needs to succeed.
See how smart my hubby is :) he changed my viewpoint of the situation which allowed me to move past that which was keeping me stuck.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
What a terrible mom am I.
On a friends blog she is participating in the thirty days of blogging with a different topic each day. Today the topic was on the things that you like about yourself. It didn't take me very long to realize that list was not going to be very long and in fact today it is nonexistent. For you see, today I feel like a mom failure and since being a mom is my important job, it makes it so much worse.
By nature I am not a very confrontational person and instead I worry. I worry about things I cannot control and those that I can. I worry for days, and nights over the same little thing. But in the last few years I have learned that I can alleviate some of that worry, by taking action on the things I can control. Also, with Keaton having different needs as my older son, I have learned that I need to be his advocate and thus I have to confront many more issues than I ever have before.
This year I have found Keaton's teacher to be a good match for him in that he likes her and has no fears about asking her questions. Unlike his past teachers who where very structured she is less so and I think this is a problem for him in that less is expected and it makes things a little harder for him to grasp certain things. But all in all she is the best teacher for him in this grade. I have found however, that I do need to contact her more frequently in regards to Keaton and how she is finding him in school and issues he may have regarding homework then previous teachers.
I have tried to let little things go (such as recently when she told the kids to memorize the answers to a study sheet in order instead of really understanding the info. I told Keaton that was ridiculous and that he had to learn them, then he did not get the 100% that most of the class who had memorized the answers in order had) But recently she moved the kids around and put Keaton in the back of the class, when his 504 states he needs to be up front. He came home for several days saying that he couldn't hear and that the kids around him where copying answers and that he was getting distracted. I felt I had to mention it. I sent her an email regarding my concerns and she stated she had no room for him up front because of her other special needs students (although she had several gate students in the front row) and that she would try to move him.
She did move him, (although he came home upset because she told him in front of the class that he was being moved because he talked too much, I told him that I asked for him to be moved so he could hear better). But then she sent me an email which I feel was the real reason that he was not up front and in it she stated that Keaton had a problem with smelling bad! Gosh darn how terrible as a mom do I feel, that I didn't even catch that. That adults and kids have been talking about him (that is what she stated), Poor Keaton trying to fit in and being ostracized for something he didn't know.
Of course I immediately began to think of ways to rectify the situation and ran to the store to stock up :) Keaton is my child who never stops and sweats constantly he has to wash his hair more often then my other one because his is thick and coarse and catches everything, so I got him shampoo and conditioner that he can use on a daily basis. He wears his shoes without socks at play, which drives his father crazy, and does get smelly feet, so I bought a large supply of socks (like I don't have 50 mill already) and new shoes for him so he can wear one pair to school and one to play in. I bought things like body gel and scrubbers, that make showering more fun, instead of the soap that he usually uses. Since he is a total protein eater, breakfast, lunch, dinner, snacks he would rather have salmon then a cookie, I am going to change his diet to include more fruits and vegies and less protein. I got water bottles he can take to school, figuring he could drink water all day at school and that would help flush his system (he loves water, but doesn't drink enough).
But the worst part is that when I told Keaton to go take his shower because from now on he was going to shower every day instead of every other, he got so excited when he saw all the new stuff, because his teacher had told him last week about his issue and that he needed to do something about it. (do you hear my heart breaking now) That is why he had been taking a shower in the evening and then getting up 1/2 an hour early in the morning to take another one.
How long do you think this will stick in his head? At forty will he still think he has a problem because he remembers how it felt to be told he was stinky.......what a terrible mom am I.
By nature I am not a very confrontational person and instead I worry. I worry about things I cannot control and those that I can. I worry for days, and nights over the same little thing. But in the last few years I have learned that I can alleviate some of that worry, by taking action on the things I can control. Also, with Keaton having different needs as my older son, I have learned that I need to be his advocate and thus I have to confront many more issues than I ever have before.
This year I have found Keaton's teacher to be a good match for him in that he likes her and has no fears about asking her questions. Unlike his past teachers who where very structured she is less so and I think this is a problem for him in that less is expected and it makes things a little harder for him to grasp certain things. But all in all she is the best teacher for him in this grade. I have found however, that I do need to contact her more frequently in regards to Keaton and how she is finding him in school and issues he may have regarding homework then previous teachers.
I have tried to let little things go (such as recently when she told the kids to memorize the answers to a study sheet in order instead of really understanding the info. I told Keaton that was ridiculous and that he had to learn them, then he did not get the 100% that most of the class who had memorized the answers in order had) But recently she moved the kids around and put Keaton in the back of the class, when his 504 states he needs to be up front. He came home for several days saying that he couldn't hear and that the kids around him where copying answers and that he was getting distracted. I felt I had to mention it. I sent her an email regarding my concerns and she stated she had no room for him up front because of her other special needs students (although she had several gate students in the front row) and that she would try to move him.
She did move him, (although he came home upset because she told him in front of the class that he was being moved because he talked too much, I told him that I asked for him to be moved so he could hear better). But then she sent me an email which I feel was the real reason that he was not up front and in it she stated that Keaton had a problem with smelling bad! Gosh darn how terrible as a mom do I feel, that I didn't even catch that. That adults and kids have been talking about him (that is what she stated), Poor Keaton trying to fit in and being ostracized for something he didn't know.
Of course I immediately began to think of ways to rectify the situation and ran to the store to stock up :) Keaton is my child who never stops and sweats constantly he has to wash his hair more often then my other one because his is thick and coarse and catches everything, so I got him shampoo and conditioner that he can use on a daily basis. He wears his shoes without socks at play, which drives his father crazy, and does get smelly feet, so I bought a large supply of socks (like I don't have 50 mill already) and new shoes for him so he can wear one pair to school and one to play in. I bought things like body gel and scrubbers, that make showering more fun, instead of the soap that he usually uses. Since he is a total protein eater, breakfast, lunch, dinner, snacks he would rather have salmon then a cookie, I am going to change his diet to include more fruits and vegies and less protein. I got water bottles he can take to school, figuring he could drink water all day at school and that would help flush his system (he loves water, but doesn't drink enough).
But the worst part is that when I told Keaton to go take his shower because from now on he was going to shower every day instead of every other, he got so excited when he saw all the new stuff, because his teacher had told him last week about his issue and that he needed to do something about it. (do you hear my heart breaking now) That is why he had been taking a shower in the evening and then getting up 1/2 an hour early in the morning to take another one.
How long do you think this will stick in his head? At forty will he still think he has a problem because he remembers how it felt to be told he was stinky.......what a terrible mom am I.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
{this moment} - A Friday ritual(oops I'm late :) ). A single photo - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. Inspired by Soule Mamma
My moment comes from my son, Kellan, who left this on his face book page for all the world to see :) Just what I needed to validate that even though I do focus on my failures as a mother, there are some things that I do right!
Kellan Rothfus amazing chef + awesome knitter + awesome person = my mum
My moment comes from my son, Kellan, who left this on his face book page for all the world to see :) Just what I needed to validate that even though I do focus on my failures as a mother, there are some things that I do right!
Kellan Rothfus amazing chef + awesome knitter + awesome person = my mum
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