The White Elephant

As I set up this blog I daydreamed about the posts I would add; about my children, my garden, my creative pursuits, so I find it odd that my first post will be about the the white elephant in the room, my weight.

I do so reluctantly because I know how many times I have tried, and failed, in the past to lose weight. However, I feel now I have the understanding as to why......I know I know many times we get that aha moment only to realize it was exactly that, a moment, and then we return to our old ways. Well for me it has been a long road that has gone past denial, ignorance and loss of hope to finally reach understanding........ I understand that I have not always been heavy and that weight began piling on as a way to "ignore" things that I didn't like about my life or didn't want to deal with. For example the other day my hubby and I disagreed about finances (I'm cheap, he is extravagant) and I found myself wanting to eat.....I wasn't hungry, in fact I was full. I realized then that I had to deal with my feelings, so instead of giving in I went and discussed it further with my hubby and we came to an agreement that both of us where happy with and surprisingly my hunger disappeared.

I know one "aha" moment will not change my ways overnight, but it made me realize I need to start facing that which sometimes makes me uncomfortable. In fact, since then I have been better at sticking to ultimatums I give the boys and to great success. I realize they will not love me any less and that they enjoy the structure and follow through. Discussing this with hubby allowed us to clear some things up. He feels it is his fault for I chose this path due to his early inability to be a good hubby (Trust me he has more then made up for it by becoming the most amazing husband and father) but I put his mind at ease in that it is my choice and I have to own it.

So I have begun the process, not only of losing weight, but of retraining my mind. No I will not lose 50 lbs by the time we go to the Cayman Islands and I will not wear a bathing suit and therefor will miss out of some activities with my family and friends, but I am no longer doing the quick fix, this is long term for my health and longevity and I am doing it the right way...... Writing down what I eat, exercising, and being Better2me.