A single photo, a glimpse at this week.....and in this case what I am struggling with.



Today my father struggled to breath and I saw true panic in his eyes, yet when they went to exchange his nose oxygen for this mask he refused because he did not want to prolong his life. The therapist assured him that it was just a tool and he understand that my father did not want a ventilator.
I finally got the nurse to give him something for anxiety and for the first time in six months, according to him, he was without worry and angst. I sat next to him as he slept and realized life was coming full circle as he use to sit next to me while I slept, as a baby.
I wish I could hold him in my arms and pat, pat, pat, him on the back to tell him it will be ok, just as he use to do me, but I know it is not true.

Fighting a system that is suppose to be on our side.

Some events are treasured; ones you want to linger over, save, and rehash with great joy. Others are ones that we spend a great deal of time trying to forget. But the kind I am dealing with today is the kind that haunt you, that even if you try to forget, it keeps replaying in your head and you struggle to but some finality to, but can't.

That of which I speak is the IEP meeting for Keaton. As we gathered in the room it was eight against three, Kevin, Sandra our advocate, and me. As we began to go over the reports I had many questions; sections of the report where copied verbatim from a previous independent report, that the school told us was bogus and not well done, yet no credit was given. Academically she took information, such as grades and stated they were benchmarks, even though I had the benchmarks and grades with me and clearly they were different. The report even stated that he did not have NLD and quoted the prior report for the evidence of that. When I called her on it and told her that I had spoken to the prior dr and that was not her intent, and in fact her feeling was that he def had NLD due to Hydro, she stated she was not familiar with that and so it must not be true. Our advocate who I had sent the reports too, had done her research and contacted two very well known drs to evaluate them. Both concurred that Keaton is a high gifted child with a learning disability and discussed how they reached that conclusion. They also corrected the IQ by showing the errors that were involved in calculating it. Our advocate stated that Keaton was only the second child in all her years that she had seen as gifted in her practice. The school psych denied the mistakes made. However, Keaton's teacher who was trying not to get in trouble(I believe) by remaining neutral, stated that Keaton is a highly intelligent child who she believe can function much higher then his high average status in classwork, and that although other children at that level "get" the concepts and do well on paperwork, Keaton goes much deeper in his understanding of the concepts and that his thinking is much more advanced than most. Also accommodations on his 504 was examined as one, limited work, was on the report but not one of his 504 ever, Two accommodations she stated where provided to the whole class, excel, and therefor not an accommodation at all and there it was proven that he received no accommodations. One thing we all agreed upon was that the reason Keaton is doing so well, was the fact he was getting so much help at home.

Towards the end of the meeting, the head of special ed brought up her contribution by stating that she feels Keaton is getting too much help at home and that the strategies we have found work for him we should give up. This way, allowing him to fail at school, would make him look for strategies of his own. I found it ironic that on one hand he is succeeding because we are helping him, while on the other they want to take that away. That was the only accommodation they were willing to discuss, and then they felt like it was too late to continue. However, they did acknowledge that he has a learning disability in visual processing and speed of processing(7th percentile) according to our advocate, this was great news because now he qualifies for special ed according to the law, of course the school disagrees and feels he does not.

A report of the meeting was typed by the principal and given to us, the school psych tried several times to get me to sign it, but I was advised by my advocate not too. When I got home I read the paper and first of the report of the meeting was all pulled to the side of the school...i.e "the parents questioned some of the finding of the grades, but the school psych was able to clarify them" nothing was clarified as she couldn't fight the proof. Luckily our advocate taped the meeting. Also the paper she wanted me to sign stated, in small print, that by signing I state that I agree with the report and its findings.

Our struggle here is what do we do next. Do we accept that Keaton will receive no accommodations and probably max out below his abilities......or do we fight the system, send him for more testing, and get those things?

What a day

Yesterday my three men went on an adventure. For weeks now Keaton has been advocating for a trip to the simulator at Loft Aviation, the only place a pilot his age will be able to ride a multimillion dollar jet. But he was also very clear that he did not want Andrew, Kevin's college age student that he has been mentoring, to come along. He has been cast to second place during the last few months as Kevin has spent most of his free time getting Andrew rated. Surprising though, he did want his brother, home on Christmas vacation, to go along.

So on Friday Kev picked up Keaton at lunch, while I attempted, and finally succeeded, in getting Kellan, who would rather be sleeping, up and out the door. As they left I expected to hear about the fighting and unfairness of everything that occurred when they got back.

However, I was totally wrong. They came back full of gloating, not of themselves but of each other, with faces of joy and excitement. Kellan was amazed at his little brothers ability to speak on the radio, take off, land and fly the airplane. He was even more amazed at how well Keaton did at flying the simulator. He told me that Keaton had done much better then he and that the instructor had even commented that Keaton was a much better pilot on the jet then even Andrew. He could even get it out of situations that most would have crashed the aircraft in. Keaton loved being better at something then his brother and was open and willing to teach Kellan everything he knew and especially enjoyed teasing his brother when he messed up the radio communication on the way home. Here is a facebook entry that each posted yesterday.

Kellan:
flying down to palomar to fly in a simulator for a couple hrs, just a normal friday :P haha! I'm thoroughly impressed by the flying skills of my younger brother Keaton Rothfus! what a FlyBoy! haha

Keaton:
nice flying with you cj sim co pilot see you in the air next time ps its brackett tower not bonanza tower haha :)


Kevin just came in with a big smile on his face and a feeling of contentment. He stated that it was one of the most enjoyable days ever. The way the boys communicated and helped each other out was amazing. He even caught them several times holding hands and with their arms around each other......

Kellan came up to me and after a big hug and kiss stated "I'm so glad you made me go Mom, I would not have wanted to miss this day for the world."

Nothing, not a trip to Paris, or winning the lottery can top memories such as these.

This week: I blinged my mixer, got an idea for my dish soap from Pinterest, and made a strap cover for my camera.

Each year I look forward to the new year, a chance to leave behind those things that did not work for me and begin with a clean slate. This year the thought of wiping the slate clean brought trepidation and angst. With the death of my sister I thought starting anew would mean saying goodbye to her forever. But then I realized my New Years resolutions had everything to do with Denise, for she was my inspiration. No longer were my goals dependent on a quick fix, they are about changing my lifestyle to live more and be around longer, so here they are:

1. Take pride in my house by organizing it, decorating, and sticking to a cleaning schedule.

2. Plan and implement the garden, in advance

3. Realizing that Keaton's education lies in my hands (thanks Carla) I need to find ways to make learning easier for him.

4. Paint creatively again and not worry about perfectionism.

5. Write more, on my blog, etc. Not worry that it has to be well written. It is a journal of my life.

6. Travel more.

7. Enjoy my friends.

8. Learn photography.

9. Start my young adult novel.

10. Live life more fully.......create daily.

11. Look into an etsy site for jewelry.

12. Let Denise's death be a motivator to lose weight.

She held many titles.

Tonight I celebrate the life of my sister, Denise. Whose bed was a safe haven on Saturday mornings growing up and whose arms, heart, and home have been a safe haven ever since. Her unconditional love has been a treasure to me and i am thankful she was a large part of my life. I will miss you Denny, but I am glad you are no longer in pain. (my facebook Dec 22, 2011)


my sisters obituary:

Denise Chaldu
56, lived a simple life, putting others before herself. Born on July 19th 1955 to Ernie and Shirley Mason in Pomona, CA, she grew up in Claremont spending as much time outdoors as she could. In her teens, she joined Job's Daughters and reigned as Honored Queen of Claremont Bethel 301 in 1972. A couple years following her 1973 graduation from Claremont High, she met and married Robert Chaldu. The two moved to Chino and started a family. Her favorite role in life was that of mother, a job she perfected over the years. Once her own kids were grown, she adopted new ones in her position as lunch lady at Wickman Elementary in Chino Hills. "Ms. Denise," as her kids called her, was in her element in the kitchen both at home and at work, always trying out new recipes and improving old ones. She loved her animals, was a constant and avid reader and a feeder of birds. Denise left us on Dec. 22nd, 2011 following a year-long battle with cancer. She will be greatly missed by her husband Bob, daughter Michelle (Sam), grandson Grey, her son Marc (Monique) and granddaughter Aubrey as well as by her parents, sisters, Debra Duarte, Sharen Garcia and Karen Rothfus, three brothers-in-law and numerous other relatives and friends. Services will be held on Thursday, December 29, 2011 at 9:30am at Todd Memorial Chapel in Pomona, CA. In lieu of flowers, please make a donation to City of Hope or the American Cancer Society .

Today we celebrated my sisters life. I am grateful to the many many people who attended and the out pouring of love and memories. Denise would have been mad at all the fuss that was given her, but also honored. I am eternally grateful to all who have supported me during this time and a special thank you to those who did not know her, but attended today to offer me support, how lucky am I. (my facebook Dec 29, 2011)


daughter
younger sister
older sister
tomboy
danny
honored queen
denny
nurse
wife
mother
friend
cook
bird lover
animal savior
aunt
Ms. Denise
survivor
and grandmother

These are just a few of the many titles my sister held and which are her legacy, I hope I am as lucky.

A Priceless Picture

Until the slideshow at my sisters funeral I never realized how many pictures we have of the four sisters taken throughout the years. From the beginning, when Debra and Denise held Sharen and I in their arms, until this one, taken on my mothers 80th birthday at her favorite hangout, the yarn shop. Unfortunately this picture will be the last, but what a great memory.