Today I am blessed!!!!

I wonder sometimes if it us, our hormoneS, our brains, and our viewpoints that decide how we look at things or is the outside world that influences us most.

Today I have to assume it is us, or me to be more precise, because today, even though every thing is not peachy keen,(in fact far from it) I am happy.

My sister is struggling with the fact that her life might be shortened due to a cancer her body is fighting with all it's might, yet today I chose to overlook the fact that they found hot spots in her brain and that she will have radiation to eliminate them and instead I concentrate on the positive. The fact that it could be so much worse. They caught it early, it has not metastasized, she is young and her body can better fight it, and she will be around to welcome her first grandchild into the world:)Brings me hope for those days ahead.

Second I always worry about Keaton and today I am very at ease about him. Yesterday he went to a bday party with trepidation because they where going to Victoria Gardens, to walk around, something that makes him nervous because it is new. he had a blast and "laughed the whole time there". What was even more gratifying was the comments about Keaton from some of the parents at the BBQ afterward and the kids who he hung around with. They praised Keaton for his quick wit, his manners and his ability to make them laugh. The boys are ones from his soccer team a few years ago and are two to three years older then him, yet all I heard and saw from them was mutual respect and friendship. I have realized that I need to take keatons opinion more often. He knows the kids he fits in with and were he feels comfortable. Even though I know Keaton's I.Q. is high. I worry because of his inability to learn in the meaner that most kids do I worry that information we be lost to him. However I have seen how this week implementing the rigYht learning environment can allow Keaton to excel. I am so excited for his future and my abyility to see it clearly.

Lastly, today I got to spend some early morning time with Kellan as he got ready to go to the academic decathlon. Usually, it would make me realize how short amount of time we have together before he goes away to college. Today it just reminded me how lucky I have been to have him all these years. I enjoyed the fact that he still took my opinions to heart and was thankful for them. When he came home, he told me everything that occurred, just as he does everyday when he gets home from school, but sometimes I took take advantage of what a gift this is. Hearing him want to tell me all the details was like receiving a rare jewel. At the end he stated that his English teacher reminds him so much of me. When I asked him why he said she is smart, easy to talk to and a good listening and (this is Kellan) she is short.

Today I am so blessed.

The White Elephant

As I set up this blog I daydreamed about the posts I would add; about my children, my garden, my creative pursuits, so I find it odd that my first post will be about the the white elephant in the room, my weight.

I do so reluctantly because I know how many times I have tried, and failed, in the past to lose weight. However, I feel now I have the understanding as to why......I know I know many times we get that aha moment only to realize it was exactly that, a moment, and then we return to our old ways. Well for me it has been a long road that has gone past denial, ignorance and loss of hope to finally reach understanding........ I understand that I have not always been heavy and that weight began piling on as a way to "ignore" things that I didn't like about my life or didn't want to deal with. For example the other day my hubby and I disagreed about finances (I'm cheap, he is extravagant) and I found myself wanting to eat.....I wasn't hungry, in fact I was full. I realized then that I had to deal with my feelings, so instead of giving in I went and discussed it further with my hubby and we came to an agreement that both of us where happy with and surprisingly my hunger disappeared.

I know one "aha" moment will not change my ways overnight, but it made me realize I need to start facing that which sometimes makes me uncomfortable. In fact, since then I have been better at sticking to ultimatums I give the boys and to great success. I realize they will not love me any less and that they enjoy the structure and follow through. Discussing this with hubby allowed us to clear some things up. He feels it is his fault for I chose this path due to his early inability to be a good hubby (Trust me he has more then made up for it by becoming the most amazing husband and father) but I put his mind at ease in that it is my choice and I have to own it.

So I have begun the process, not only of losing weight, but of retraining my mind. No I will not lose 50 lbs by the time we go to the Cayman Islands and I will not wear a bathing suit and therefor will miss out of some activities with my family and friends, but I am no longer doing the quick fix, this is long term for my health and longevity and I am doing it the right way...... Writing down what I eat, exercising, and being Better2me.